THE CRYONIC WAREHOUSE

FAQs

Q: What actually happens when you undergo a cryogenic procedure?
A: Well, obviously things start to get a tad cold. Imagine standing naked in the middle of a wintry Siberian tundra and you'll start to get the idea. Learn first-hand what it feels like to be a snap-frozen bean.

Q: Is it risky?
A: Generally no*, apart from a little frostbite.

Q: How do I know I definitely will be thawed out when I want to be?
A: You don't. See above question.

Q: I'm 24 and want to stay young forever. Is this for me?
A: Definitely. As long as you realize you won't exactly be up and about to show off your great looks.

Q: I'm concerned about global warming. Is cryonics a viable option for me?
A: Yep, you can be assured that things will be real cool in your own personal "cryotank".

Q: I have a few problems with some creditors who are a little…heavy-handed, shall we say. Would cryogenics be a good way out for me?
A: Certainly. You can lay low in one of our tanks till things "cool down" a little. In fact, we have an interesting selection of "reds" (we're talking bank balances here) laid down in our underground cellars as we speak.

Q: Help! I come from a very wealthy background and expect to inherit a substantial sum after the death of certain family members. Unfortunately, I also come from a family of "long-livers". I don't want to be in my dotage when I finally get my hands on all this dosh.
A: There's nothing so frustrating as "frozen funds", so why not freeze yourself instead? Wake up with stacks of cash and a lifetime to spend it in. Good luck!

Q: What if I don't like the future that I wake up to when my allotted time is up? You know, what if the machines have taken over, like in the Terminator movies?
A: You may like to take advantage of our "Regular Wake-up Option". For a small additional charge, you can be revived at pre-determined intervals, check out the prevailing scene, and then make a decision about either going back into the tank or joining the world of the "living".

Q: I bore easily and I'm worried that I could go crazy in the tank. Is there anything to "do" while I'm in there?
A: If you purchase either the Business or First Class package, you can have your personal selection of music and/or talking books played to you on a continuous loop for the duration of your "journey".

Q: I'm a senior member of the British upper class who currently is in a spot of bother with allegations of murder, questionable sexuality, and other assorted misdemeanors. I'm also sick and tired of waiting for Mumsie to drop off the perch. Would I be able to "sit out" a few quiet years in one of your more private tanks?
A: Sure thing Charles, Mum's the word.

* We accept no responsibility for your resuscitation occurring at a specified time, or even if it will occur at all. Although we undertake all due care, we are not responsible for unexpected power failures, acts of war, or natural disasters. Furthermore, we reserve the right to dispose of any "spoiled" meat.

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